Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Pants (No Longer) On the Ground

When Linda and I walked out of the theatre last Friday night a young man and his girlfriend were in front of us. He wore baggy jeans that were slung low below his posterior. As soon as I saw this a song popped into my head - "pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a fool with his pants on the ground." I almost began to sing it out loud.

Mark this: on January 12, 2010, the baggy-below-the-butt-pants-look officially ended. Whereas prior to this date below-the-bottom-baggies (BBBs) made someone look like a "cool cat," now, because of General Larry Platt's song "Pants On the Ground," the kid walking in front of me looks like a fool. More than that, he is a fool. And, if he had gold in his mouth and a hat turned sideways he would be three times the fool.

Platt's "Pants" song is huge, and is going to get huger (pronounced "hue - jer"). When it becomes a cd it will rocket to #1 and stay there and rule until no more pants are on the ground. Then, it will hover over society making its presence felt just in case some kid decides to wear his pants real, real low. It has already become impossible to look at someone wearing BBBs and not perceive them as a fool. If you've heard the song, I dare you to try it. You are no longer able to look on someone sporting low-riders and not laugh out loud. The wearing of BBBs is now equivalent to leaving home in the morning wearing clown makeup complete with a giant red bulbous nose. The only people on the planet wearing BBBs today are those who don't know what the word "fool" means.

Let's go deeper. "Pants On the Ground" is now busy restructuring human consciousness. The way we perceive things is undergoing a paradigm shift. Behold the shifting paradigm, right before our very eyes! One rarely gets to see such a thing since paradigm shifts are subtle and go unnoticed by most, sometimes taking a hundred years from the initial paradigm-threatening anomaly to the final settling-in of the usurping paradigm. But last Tuesday night, on "American Idol," the world changed in an instant. Former "cool cats" were instantly morphed into laughably clownish idiots.

Google "Pants On the Ground" and see everyone from Jimmy Fallon to Bret Favre singing the song. Behold "Pants" chewing up and spitting out an entire culture. BBBs have become the fashion equivalent of the mullet.