How to Communicate in Conflict

                                                                        (Ypsilanti, MI)

(Linda and I studied with David Augsburger in seminary. Here is one of the most important things God taught us through David.)

COMMUNICATION AS SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE (CARING + CONFRONTING; from David Augsburger, Caring Enough to Confront)

Ephesians 4:15 says: “therefore speak the truth in love; so shall we fully grow up into Christ.” Here we are told, in communication, to be both loving and truthful, caring and confronting.

Work at communicating both caring and confronting in the middle of marital or relational conflict.

Here are the attitudes to have and hold to.

SEE ALSO...

Be Slow to Anger - Three Tools for Communicating When in Conflict

How to Deal with Anger - Some Resources

Pray the Lord's Prayer This Way

(Linda, with one of our great-nephews, Josiah.
Note: my father made the music stand as a gift to Linda's sister Lora  and her husband Grady,
on their wedding day.)

When I understood more about the kingdom of God I began to pray The Lord's 
Prayer in a different way. Now I pray like this, because I believe this is how the early Jesus-followers understood it.

God, let your kingdom come,

not only in the future,

but here,

presently,

in our experience.

God, reign over our hearts and minds,

NOW.

As we are conscious of our surroundings,

As we take our next breath,

As we walk into whatever this day has for us.

Let things be here,

in our homes,

in our church families,

in our community,

in our hearts and minds,  

on this earth,

as things are in heaven.

Let us see earth, through heaven,

and respond accordingly.

Truly!

My Book of the Year Is....

 

MY BOOK OF THE YEAR

The most important, most helpful book I read this year is The Rise and Triumph of the Modern Self: Cultural Amnesia, Expressive Individualism, and the Road to Sexual Revolution.

Wow! I just finished it. I took copious notes, and am going to slowly re-read it.

This book traces the transformation of human identity into a primarily psychological understanding of personal identity as a state of mind or a state of feelings. 

three of the RUNNERS-UP...

Cynical Theories: How Activist Scholarship Made everything About Race, Gender, and Identity - and Why This Harms Everybody. By Helen Pluckrose and James Lindsey.

This is a savaging, intelligent assault on Critical Theory. It's written by two atheist scholars. What initially caught my attention were these two atheist reviews.

"Many people are nonplussed by the surge of wokery, social justice warfare, intersectionality, and identity politics that has spilled out of academia and inundated other spheres of life. Where did it come from? What ideas are behind it? This book exposes the surprisingly shallow intellectual roots of the movements that appear to be engulfing our culture."

—Steven Pinker, Johnstone Professor of Psychology, Harvard University, and author of Enlightenment Now

"Is there a school of thought so empty, so vacuous, so pretentious, so wantonly obscurantist, so stupefyingly boring that even a full-frontal attack on it cannot be read without an exasperated yawn? Yes. It is called postmodernism. If you sincerely want to understand what postmodernism is, read this exceptionally well-informed book by two noble heroes of the enlightenment project. If you have better uses for your neurons and your time, stick to science. It’s the real deal."

—Richard Dawkins, emeritus fellow of New College, Oxford

The Decadent Society: How We Became Victims of Our Own Success. By Ross Douthat. 

This book... explains what happens when a rich and powerful society ceases advancing—how the combination of wealth and technological proficiency with economic stagnation, political stalemates, cultural exhaustion, and demographic decline creates a strange kind of “sustainable decadence,” a civilizational languor that could endure for longer than we think.

So much for "progessivism," right?

When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing Your Community from Emotional and Spiritual Abuse. By Chuck DeGroat.

The evangelical church in America has, for too long, nurtured and supported narcissism in our leaders.

BEGINNING TO READ...

For Christmas I received Charles Taylor's Sources of the Self: The Making of Modern Identity. I'm thirty pages into this book that is big, not just in terms of page length, but in wisdom, analysis, and understanding.

Blessed Are the Mono-Taskers, for They Shall See God

                                                                         (Redeemer sanctuary)

My Payne Theological Seminary class is called Spiritual Formation. My main assignment is: set apart one hour a day, five days a week, for seven weeks. Use this time to pray and listen to God. Keep a record of the voice and activity of God in a spiritual journal. 

Needed: listening skills, ability to meditate, and focus, to allow God to dive deep in your heart. 

I also teach three philosophy courses at Monroe County Community College: Introduction to Logic, Introduction to Western Philosophy, and Philosophy of Religion. The ability to stay on task is needed to learn philosophy, and to think philosophically. A philosopher must have a great capacity to go inward, to ponder, and ruminate. 

Spiritual formation and philosophy are slow cookers, not microwaves. Both, if attended to, produce lasting fruit in a person’s life. Oak trees grow from the soil of slow thinking about life’s big ideas. 

Deep, lasting, relationships are slow-cookers, too. This includes the God-relationship. Knowing God involves more than theoretical knowledge, just as one learns to ride a bike by actually riding it, not by reading books about bike riding. 

Kierkegaard told us that a pure heart, untainted by distractions, wills one thing. To “will one thing” is to focus on, attend to, be captivated by, be still before, one thing. What is the benefit of that? Nothing less, said Jesus, than the visio dei. 

Blessed are the mono-taskers, for they shall see God.

(From my book Praying: Reflections on 40 Years of Solitary Conversations with God.)

FOUR RESOLUTIONS FOR 2021

Resolutions

(I took this photo in Istanbul. The reflection of the man makes it look like he is eyeing the Turkish delight.)

The word "resolution," in music, means "the passing of a voice part from a dissonant to a consonant tone or from dissonance to consonance."  

For example, if a musical piece is in the key of C, G is the 5th. A musical piece that ends on the 5th begs to be resolved to the 1st, or tonic chord, which is in this case C. The unresolved 5th causes one to inwardly strain and lean towards the anticipated 1st.

To "resolve" means: fixity of purpose, resoluteness. For example: His comments were intended to weaken her resolve but they only served to strengthen it. (From here.)

This week I am printing out these four resolutions, which I resolve to live out. I'll carry them with me. I will pray them, often. I want them to get inside me, and become living and active.

1. I Resolve to inquire of the Lord.

² Some men came and told Jehoshaphat, “A vast army is coming against you from Edom, from the other side of the Sea. It is already in Hazazon Tamar” (that is, En Gedi). ³ Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resolved to inquire of the LORD, and he proclaimed a fast for all Judah. ⁴ The people of Judah came together to seek help from the LORD; indeed, they came from every town in Judah to seek him. (2 Chronicles 20:2-4)

Bring life's dissonance before the Lord. Inquire of God, regarding the chaos and incompleteness. You've tried to figure it out yourself; instead, seek God about this. Not just once in a while, but today, and every day. 

Place your trust in God, now. Get alone with God and receive direction. 

As God called Jehoshaphat to declare a fast in response to unresolved dissonance in Judah, so God has promised to shepherd you through all things. God is willing to direct your paths.

Resolve to inquire of God, today and every day.

2. I Resolve that my mouth will not bring destruction.

² May my vindication come from you;
may your eyes see what is right. 
³ Though you probe my heart and examine me at night,
though you test me, you will find nothing; I have resolved that my mouth will not sin. ⁴ As for the deeds of men—
by the word of your lips
I have kept myself
from the ways of the violent. (Psalm 17:2-4)

I will keep my mouth shut, unless my words serve to build up others.

I will meet, often and alone, with God. I will abide in Christ. I will dwell in his presence. God will shape and form my heart into Christlikeness. (Gal. 4:19) This Jesus-heart will produce what comes out of the space between my lips.

Resolve that your mouth will not destroy, today and every day.

3. I Resolve not to defile my soul with the enemy's "turkish delight."

⁷ The chief official gave them new names: to Daniel, the name Belteshazzar; to Hananiah, Shadrach; to Mishael, Meshach; and to Azariah, Abednego. 
⁸ But Daniel resolved not to defile himself with the royal food and wine, and he asked the chief official for permission not to defile himself this way. ⁹ Now God had caused the official to show favor and sympathy to Daniel... (Daniel 1:7-9)

Daniel refuses to allow King Nebuchadnezzar to redefine his identity. Daniel "resolved"; i.e., Daniel "set upon his heart" not to pollute himself. 

Daniel set his heart not to compromise himself by accepting redefinition as a Babylonian. This is the matter of allegiance.

When Linda and I were in Istanbul, Turkey, we tasted their famous dessert - called "Turkish delight." Turkish delight will be familiar to fans of C.S. Lewis. In Lewis's The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Edmund meets the White Witch, who seduces him with a delicious piece of candy called "turkish delight." He eats it, betraying Aslan, and his defiled heart falls under the Witch's dark spell.

Today, resolve not to compromise your allegiance to Jesus as your Lord.

4. I Resolve to know Jesus Christ and him crucified.

¹ When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. ² For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. (1 Corinthians 2:1-2)

Learn about Jesus. 

Learn Jesus. 

Fix on him. 

Sum all things up in Jesus.

Resolve to know Christ and him crucified. Today.

Tomorrow...

***
My two books are...

Leading the Presence-Driven Church

Praying: Reflections on 40 Years of Solitary Conversations with God

Prayer as Re-membering

(I took this photo of a woman praying in Jerusalem)

Remembering is a spiritual discipline. When we give thanks, it's an act of prayer often associated with something God has done for us. 

Prayer-remembering is about the past. When that past is positive, it is accompanied with thanksgiving. We remember how God re-membered us, how God put us back together when we were falling apart.

To re-member something, literally, would be to "member again" that which has become dismembered. Parts that were once together because they were meant to be together, got separated, but now are rejoined.

When I pray I am often re-minded (I am mindful again) of something that has "left my mind." God brings something to mind, and I am re-membered. 

This is good. It is clarifying and focusing when this happens. In prayer, in the God-appointment, God puts pieces of life back together again. God's Spirit achieves, in the act of praying, a great unifying.

I don't think you have to try or strive to re-member. Rather, as you consistently meet with God, conversing together in the slow-cooked prayer exchange, a re-membering will take place, by the Spirit. This has been, and remains, my ongoing experience.

This is good news, and provides an incentive to pray. All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put you back together again, but God can. As you pray God will put the pieces of your life and life in the kingdom back together again. (As some have said, to pray is to change.)

***

My Two Books 

My two books are:

Praying: Reflections on 40 Years of Solitary Conversations with God (May 2016)

Leading the Presence-Driven Church (January 2018)

I am now writing:

How God Changes the Human Heart (summer 2021)

REMEMBER

(I wrote these reminders to myself many years ago. I put them on an email, and sent the email to myself, periodically. I called it "REMEMBER." Because I can forget. I'm posting this, mostly for myself.)

Be myself. Be who God made me to be, with all my strengths and infirmities.    

Overcome fear & intimidation.

Overcome denial.

Overcome addiction

Do not compare...

Stimulate the mind with intellectually challenging reading.

 

Physically exercise

Get outside and ponder God's creation

Listen to excellent music

Write beautiful worship songs

Remember blessings

Enjoy Linda, Dan, Josh 

God works all things together for good!

Live in gratitude

Remember - you're not alone

Eat well

Pray about struggles

Enter deeply into God's presence

Know the Father's love

Play the guitar

Lead worship with passion

Preach with passion and excellence

Teach brilliantly

Laugh

Don't lose your joy

Lead with confidence

Mentor with great discernment...

Counsel others

Write the books

Take beautiful photographs

Love others deeply

MERRY CHRISTMAS DAY!

It's 6:30 AM, and I am awake on Christmas morning. Linda and I spent a beautiful day yesterday with our family, and last night with our church family. (Thank you for coming!)

For Linda and I it was a beautiful experience, with many cars filling our parking lot, as we turned the lights off, shined our flashlights, and sang "Silent Night" together.

Below are photos I have taken, mostly from Monroe, with a few from a recent Montana trip.

I've added some quotes and scriptures to them.

Pause. 

Slow down. 

Scroll down. 

Ponder.

Treasure, in your heart,

Our family wishes you a meaning-filled, blessed Christmas day!

Jesus is God and Man

(Nicole and Josh)

Back in the 1970s I read German theologian Wolfhart Pannenberg's magnum opus, Jesus: God and Man. I was so inspired by Pannenberg's study, especially his analysis of the resurrection of Christ and the language we use to speak of it, that I incorporated his thinking into my doctoral dissertation. 

My studies began focusing more and more on the matter of the nature of Christ, and led to a doctoral qualifiying exam on what the early Church Fathers said about Christ as both divine and human, and the eventual development of the monumental Christological Creeds. (See, e.g., J.N.D. Kelly's Early Christian Doctrines and Early Christian Creeds.)

I grew up in a Lutheran Church (ELCA), and on Sunday mornings we recited The Nicene Creed. The word "creed" is from the Latin word credo, which means "I believe." The Nicene Creed begins with "We believe..." 

It reads:

We believe in one God,

the Father, the Almighty,

maker of heaven and earth,

of all that is, seen and unseen.

We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ,

the only Son of God,

eternally begotten of the Father,

God from God, Light from Light,

true God from true God,

begotten, not made of one Being with the Father.

Through him all things were made.

For us and for our salvation

he came down from heaven:

by the power of the Holy Spirit

he became incarnate from the Virgin Mary,

and was made man.

As I read this today, I see that I still believe it, more than ever. In Jesus, true God was made human. Here's a brief look at this.

Jesus is True God

In the four Gospels we see many places where Jesus acts like he is God, and even claims to be God. This is recognized by the religious leaders, who accuse him of claiming to be divine. They pick up stones to throw at him, viewing his claim as blasphemous.

For example, Jesus claims to forgive sins. From the ancient Jewish point of view, only God can do this. 

Imagine you are in a heated conflict with someone. I walk by, see you arguing, and invite myself into the mess. I raise my hands before you both and say, "Why not use some conflict resolution, some anger management techniques, to work this thing out?" Presumably, you would not have a problem with me saying that. 

But, if I said to you, "I forgive you both for acting this way," you would wonder, "Does John think he is God?" 

The religious leaders asked, "Who can forgive sins but God alone?" Jesus walked around doing that. He went to a bloody death because of that, and to accomplish that. Jesus was speaking and acting as if he were God.

N.T. Wright explains the God-thing about forgiving sins in his excellent book Simply Jesus. Wright writes:

"How does God normally forgive sins within Israel? Why, through the Temple and the sacrifices that take place there. Jesus seems to be claiming that God is doing, up close and personal through him, something that you’d normally expect to happen at the Temple. And the Temple— the successor to the tabernacle in the desert— was, as we saw, the place where heaven and earth met. It was the place where God lived. Or, more precisely, the place on earth where God’s presence intersected with human, this-worldly reality." (Wright, N. T., Simply Jesus: A New Vision of Who He Was, What He Did, and Why He Matters, pp. 79-80)

There are many examples in Scripture where Jesus acts like he is God. He claims such an intimate relationship with the Father that it causes the religious leaders to accuse him of making himself equal with God. For example, Jesus said, "I and the Father are one." Their accusations were on target. In Jesus, God's presence intersected with earth in the form of humanity.

Jesus is Human - The Humanity of Jesus

For this reason he had to be made like them, 

fully human in every way, 

in order that he might become 

a merciful and faithful high priest 

in service to God, 

and that he might make atonement 

for the sins of the people. 

Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

- Hebrews 2:17-18

"What if God was one of us? 

Just a slob like one of us?"

- Joan Osborne

Jesus is fully and completely human. He was conceived in a human womb. He had a physical, human body, like we have. Jesus got tired (John 4:6), hungry (Matt. 4:2), and thirsty (John 19:28).

Jesus went through a learning process, as we do. We read: 

And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, 

and in favor with God and man. 

(Luke 2:52)

Jesus felt the spectrum of different emotions, as we do. He marveled (Matt. 8:10), he wept (Jon 11:35), and he was inwardly troubled (Matt. 26:38; John 12:27).

Jesus was like us in every way, except one. He was without sin (1 Peter 2:22).

OK. Jesus was fully God. But why did he have to also be fully human? Wayne Grudem writes: 

"Jesus had to be fully human to serve as our perfectly obedient representative... If Jesus wasn't fully human, his obedience in our place would be meaningless. Just as Jesus had to be human to live in our place, he had to be human to die in our place."

Hebrews 2:17 says: 

It’s obvious, of course, 

that he didn’t go to all this trouble for angels. 

It was for people like us, children of Abraham. 

That’s why he had to enter into 

every detail of human life. 

Then, when he came before God as high priest 

to get rid of the people’s sins, 

he would have already experienced it all himself—

all the pain, all the testing—

and would be able to help 

where help was needed. 

(The Message)

And, the beautiful words of Hebrews 4:15:

 We don’t have a priest 

who is out of touch with our reality. 

He’s been through weakness and testing, 

experienced it all—

all but the sin. 

So let’s walk right up to him 

and get what he is so ready to give. 

Take the mercy, accept the help. 

(The Message)

In Jesus, full God-ness, and full human-ness, converge. The everlasting, world-creating Word became flesh, and pitched his tent among us.

Christmas is coming tomorrow.

I believe in one Lord, 

Jesus Christ, 

true God from true God, 

who came down from heaven,

and was made man.