Love Requires a Predicate.

Trees in Love

Lake Erie sunrise, Sterling State Park

"S loves p." As in: John loves Linda." A 'subject' loves a 'predicate'; in this example, a subject loves a person.

Love is other-centered. "The lover desires the beloved."  At its best and purest a lover loves the beloved in such a way that the beloved experiences being-loved. Real love is for the sake of the other, not for one's own self. 

Love serves the beloved. Where there is love, the beloved's well-being is paramount.

Love gives. "Love" is a relationship in which the predicate benefits at the expense of the subject. 

The subject spends itself on the predicate. When it's the other way around, when the subject benefits at the expense of the predicate, the predicate loses their personhood and becomes an object. The predicate gets objectified. "S loves p" gets reduced to, simply, "S." The identity of the beloved is wallowed up in the narcissism of the lover. 

This is the loopy logic of self-love, of "love" for the sake of one's self. The predicate is the subject. A strange self-reflexive reaction forms. This is "love" that is never satisfied. This is "love" that leads to adulterous affairs, serial monogamy, and other forms of non-investment.

Thomas Merton writes: "The one love that always grows weary of its object and is never satisfied with anything and is always looking for something different and new is the love of ourselves. It is the source of all boredom and all restlessness and all unqiet and all misery and all unhappiness - ultimately, it is hell." (The Waters of Siloe) Object-predicates fail to satisfy the greedy "subject" because the subject has become an all-absorbing thing,  eating love-objects like dogs devour chunks of meat.

"S loves p" could be construed not as a subject-predicate statement, but as a subject-object statement. What, precisely, in "S is in love with p," is predicated of S? Isn't p to be understood as the "object" of S's love and not a predicate ascribing something to the subject? No and yes. 

No: p is not best understood as an object of S's love. Subject-object language implies relational distance. Love has nothing to do with that. Love is a connected-relational thing. Love speaks of oneness and unity, not two-ness and distance. Two lovers "become one flesh." "One flesh" language resists the Cartesian ontological dichotomy between a knowing subject and an object which is to be known. Love is a unitive thing.

Yes: because if love were an ontological union between the lover and the beloved, both would disappear. Or, perhaps, the beloved would be absorbed into the lover. In this case "S loves _____" would become, simply, S. There is always a distance between lover and beloved, but not a Cartesian metaphysical distance whereby one wonders if the beloved exists. 

Subject-predicate language better explains the love-relationship than does subject-object language. In the statement "The chalk is white," "whiteness" is predicated as an attribute of "chalk," telling us something about a certain piece of chalk. Analogously, to say "S loves p" (or "S loves ____") tells us something about the being of S, instead of simply objectifying p.

The noetic framework that best accounts for the nature of real love as predicate-centered is Christian Trinitarian theism. The Christian idea of God as  "trinity" of Persons conceptually explains the idea that God is love. God, in his being, is love. 

Because we have a God who is a three-personed being sharing one essence, the love of God is not self-love. In the idea of God-as-Trinity, Father, Son, and Spirit love one another throughout eternity. God's love is "predicative" and relational, rather than objectifying in the sense of Descartes and the Cartesian tradition.

In John 14-17 Jesus extends an invitation to enter Trinitarian love. The love that ultimately satisfies, the love that provides the foundation of all earthly loves, the very source of love itself as other-centered, becomes ours, in reality and by experience. 

Love requires a predicate, because the God who is love is, in his essence, a lover of others.

God is the author of the subject-predicate love that defines his very being.

Love and Prayer

Ice dog in Monroe

Henri Nouwen writes:

"Real freedom to live in this world comes from hearing clearly the truth about who we are, which is that we are the beloved. That’s what prayer is about. And that’s why it is so crucial and not just a nice thing to do once in a while. It is the essential attitude that creates in us the freedom to love other people not because they are going to love us back but because we are so loved and out of the abundance of that love we want to give." (Nouwen, A Spirituality of Living, pp. 15-16)

We are the beloved, the loved ones of God. God loves us. It is no coincidence that these were the first words from God that I ever heard. 

I was twenty-one. A campus pastor whose name was Marshall was talking to me and my roommate Biff. I wasn't listening, because I was thinking how I could argue against this pastor. I asked him a question. A hard question. "I can't answer that one," he said. The he added, "But I do believe there is a God, and that he loves you."

That was it for me. I was undone. Ruined for life. God loves me. I knew it, viscerally, existentially, ontologically. In my heart. I have never been the same since. I am God's beloved.

This is what prayer is about. This is why I pray. I pray to God because God loves me. I find this to be a rule: I love talking with people who love me.

The heart-knowing of God's never-failing love for me frees me to love other people, irregardless of whether they love in return. God's love for me frees me to pray and to love and live for others. God's love unhinges me from the prison walls of hypothetical, theoretical love.

Guidelines for Civil Discourse: #1 - Love Others

Flicker, in my back yard

(I don't read what people post on social media. I don't have time to do this. I am on Facebook, but I unfollow everyone except my family and our church staff. 

I'm not on Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumbler, Snapchat, or Whatsapp. Or anything.  

I post this blog to Facebook. Some respond to my blog, and I often interact with them. Thank you.

I have always been a culture-watcher. I am interested in human behavior. I study moral behavior and its sources like a madman. I am interested in how we Jesus-followers should live and act and have our being. 

I have personal experience with humans abusing each other verbally. Even among Christians. Even, sadly, at times, me.

This post is about how someone who claims to follow Jesus should conduct themselves, in any medium, in all human interaction.)

***

If you are a follower of Jesus, this is for us. 

Though the world fails in civility, we must engage in civil discourse.

Our foundation for civil discourse is love. We are to love others, in our behaviors. With the love of God, exemplified in Jesus. We must love like Jesus loves.

This includes those who disagree with us. It encompasses our enemies. They are among our "neighbors."

Love is the sign, the mark, that we are what we declare we are; viz., Christians. If we don't love, we have nothing. (See 1 Corinthians 13) If we don't love, we don't have our identity, at least in the eyes of others.

Jesus affirms the call to love in John 13:34-35:

“A new command I give you: 

Love one another. 

As I have loved you, 

so you must love one another. 

By this everyone will know 

that you are my disciples, 

if you love one another.”

People will know that you and I are with Jesus as we love one another. If we fail to do this, we will be considered to be far from Jesus. Or, people will think of Jesus through the lens of our rudeness and uncivility.

When Christians hate one another on social media, they fail to display what is supposed to be their distinguishing mark; viz., love. When we get disgusted, show irritation, demean, mock, slander, ridicule, or bully, we dishonor people made in God's image. And bring shame upon our Lord.

Francis Schaeffer, in his classic The Mark of the Christian, writes:

"We are to love our fellowmen, to love all men, in fact, as neighbors. 
All men bear the image of God. They have value, not because they are redeemed, but because they are God’s creation in God’s image. Modern man, who has rejected this, has no clue as to who he is, and because of this he can find no real value for himself or for other men. Hence, he downgrades the value of other men and produces the horrible thing we face today—a sick culture in which men treat men as inhuman, as machines. As Christians, however, we know the value of men. 
All men are our neighbors, and we are to love them as ourselves. We are to do this on the basis of creation, even if they are not redeemed, for all men have value because they are made in the image of God. Therefore they are to be loved even at great cost." (Schaeffer, pp. 15-16)

It is clear, is it not, that in all our discourse with people we are to love them. This is the higher ground, where Jesus was suspended on a cross.

The love principle applies even when in sharp disagreement with others. Remember that to love is not equivalent to affirmation, and that disagreement is not a justification for hatred.


***
My books are:

Praying: Reflections on 40 Years of Solitary Conversations with God

Leading the Presence-Driven Church

Encounters with the Holy Spirit (co-edited with Janice Trigg)

Deconstructing Progressive Christianity

31 Letters to the Church on Discipleship

31 Letters to the Church on Praying

The Great Invasion: 31 Days of Christmas 

Guidelines for Civil Discourse: #2 - Never Mock People

 

                                                            (Lake Erie - Monroe, MI)

(I am re-posting this to keep it in play.

I don't read what people post on social media. I don't have time to do this. I am on Facebook, but I unfollow everyone except my family and our church staff.) 

I'm not on Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumbler, Snapchat, or Whatsapp. Or anything.  

I post this blog to Facebook. Some respond to my blog, and I often interact with them. Thank you.

I have always been a culture-watcher. I am very interested in human behavior. I study moral behavior and its sources like a madman. I am supremely interested in how we Jesus-followers should live and act and have our being.

 
I have much personal experience with humans abusing each other verbally. Even among Christians. Even, sadly, at times, me.

This post is about how someone who claims to follow Jesus should conduct themselves, in any medium, in all human interaction.)

Followers of Jesus are never to mock or ridicule other people.

Never. Ever. 

Mockery and ridicule are opponents of agape love. They reside in the camp of conditional love. ("If you agreed with my position, then I would not show my disgust towards you.")

Every person is made in the imago dei, the image of God. To mock and ridicule a person, no matter who they are or what they believe or disbelieve, is to mock that person's Maker. If you mock someone's children, you also mock them. This is how it is in tribal communities.

Slow-cook in the book of Proverbs and apply.

How long will you who are simple 

love your simple ways? 

How long will mockers delight in mockery 

and fools hate knowledge?

Proverbs 1:22

He mocks proud mockers 

but shows favor to the humble and oppressed.

Proverbs 3:34

If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you; 

if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.

Proverbs 9:12

The mocker seeks wisdom and finds none, 

but knowledge comes easily to the discerning.

Proverbs 14:6

Penalties are prepared for mockers, 

and beatings for the backs of fools.

Proverbs 19:29

The proud and arrogant person

—“Mocker” is his name— 

behaves with insolent fury.

Proverbs 21:24

Drive out the mocker, and out goes strife; 

quarrels and insults are ended.

Proverbs 22:10

Mockers stir up a city, 

but the wise turn away anger.

Proverbs 29:8

How shall we live the command to love our neighbor? By mocking them?

How shall we give witness to the sign that we belong to Jesus? By mocking one another?

How shall we be blessed as peacemakers? By ridiculing those who disagree with us?

Is mockery among the fruit of the Spirit?

Shall we build up the body of Christ using the spiritual gift of ridicule?

Is not any fellowship with the company of mockers called wickedness? (Psalm 1:1)

To mock and ridicule others that do not think like you is non-redemptive, only causing existing divisions to separate further. 

(In logic, mockery and ridicule are types of informal fallacies, called ad hominem abusives. To verbally abuse someone not only adds nothing to an argument, it diminishes the argument.)

***

See also - 

Guidelines for Civil Discourse: #1 - Love Others

Real Love is Nonpossessive (Escaping the Tyranny of Self-Rejection)

Lake Michigan sunset

Henri Nouwen believed the key moment of Jesus' life was the affirmation from the Father at the moment of Jesus' baptism: "This is my beloved son, with whom I am well pleased."

This was the core of Jesus' identity.

It is yours, as well. You are God's beloved son, or daughter. This comes down to the basic truth that God is love, and God loves you. (These three words, "God loves you," spoken to me by someone when I was twenty-one, ignited a transforming, purging fire in my soul.)

The deep knowing of God's love frees us from a manipulating, false "love" in our relationships. We no longer love out of our own need to be liked and affirmed. We are free to love and give, with no expectation of being loved in return. This is real love. This is the love of God.

Nouwen believed that "friendship becomes a lot more freeing once we recognize the truth that we are deeply loved because then we are released to love others nonpossessively (IVL: 80)." (Will Hernandez, Henri Nouwen and Spiritual Polarities: A Life of Tension, Kindle Locations 823-824)

"Knowing and owning this truth of our belovedness helps us escape the tyranny of self-rejection that plagues many of us," (Ib.)

***

***

Two of my books are:

Leading the Presence-Driven Church

Praying: Reflections on 40 Years of Solitary Conversations with God

Love is Kind

There may be no better book to read on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 than Lewis Smedes' Love Within Limits: A Realist's View of 1 Corinthians 13.

Chapter 2 is - "Love is Kind."

Nietzsche, in one of his
gentler moments.

"Kindness," writes Smedes, "is the will to save; it is God's awesome power channeled into gentle healing. Kindness is love acting on persons." (11)

Love is powerful.

One quality of love is kindness.

Therefore, kindness is powerful.

The German atheist philosopher Nietzsche did not take kindly to this. Nietzsche hated Christianity (and especially Paul) for promoting kindness, which he saw as weakness and door-mat-ness. But "kindness," says Smedes, "is enormous strength - more than most of us have, except now and then." (Ib.)

"Kindness is the power that moves us to support and heal someone who offers nothing in return. Kindness is the power to move a self-centered ego toward the weak, the ugly, the hurt, and to move that ego to invest itself in personal care with no expectation of reward." (Ib.)

Only a free person can love this way. 

When I ask God to "set me free" I am thinking of this kind of thing; viz., freedom to love; freedom to be kind.

Being Loved by God Frees Us to Love Others

Torrey Pines, California

Henri Nouwen writes:

"Real freedom to live in this world comes from hearing clearly the truth about who we are, which is that we are the beloved. That’s what prayer is about. And that’s why it is so crucial and not just a nice thing to do once in a while. It is the essential attitude that creates in us the freedom to love other people not because they are going to love us back but because we are so loved and out of the abundance of that love we want to give." (Nouwen, A Spirituality of Living, pp. 15-16)

We are the beloved, the loved ones of God. God loves you.

Those were the first words from God I ever heard. I was twenty-one. A campus pastor, Marshall Foster, was talking to me and my roommate. I wasn't listening, because I was thinking how I could argue against this person. I asked him a question. A hard question. "I can't answer that one," he said. Then Marshall added, "But I do believe there is a God, and that he loves you." (Marshall is now Director of the World History Institute. Here he is doing a video with actor Kirk Cameron.)

That was it for me. I was undone.

Unraveling in the presence of the Lord.  (See Isaiah 6.)

God loves me.

I knew it, viscerally, existentially, ontologically. In my heart.

I have never been the same since.

I am God's beloved.

I must keep this truth always before me.

The heart-knowing of God's never-failing love for me frees me to love other people, regardless of whether they love in return.

God's love frees me to pray and love and live for others.

God's love unhinges me from the prison walls of hypothetical, theoretical love.


***
Two of my books are:

Leading the Presence-Driven Church

Praying: Reflections on 40 Years of Solitary Conversations with God.

Love Is What God Is

(Downy woodpecker in my backyard)

God is love. Love forms the very being of God.

"Love" is an essential attribute of God. Just as a triangle cannot not be three-sided, God cannot not-love.

Christian Trinitarian Theism best expresses this idea that God is love. In  this way.

1. God is a three-personed being. God is, essentially, a being-in-relationship.
2. God as Father-Son-Spirit makes conceptual sense of the idea that God is love. This is because "love" is relational. "Love" requires an "other," an object to-be-loved.
3. So, in the very being of God there is a unity of otherness. Which allows for love.

God's essence is love. Just as an apple has appleness, God cannot not-love you. 

God does not love you because there is some command external to his being he must follow. God is love, therefore all God's thoughts and actions are loving.

God's love for you is genuine, 100% pure-squeezed love.

This means that when God thinks of you, he has a good feeling. God likes you. You are God's child, his son, or his daughter.

God made you, and what he has made God calls "very good."

You are deeply loved by God. Nothing can change this because God is love.

Love Is Produced in You As You Abide in Jesus

(Snow pine in my back yard)

As we abide in Christ, like a branch connected to a vine, whatever is in the vine enters into us. So the agape love of Jesus is produced in us. This is not something we produce ourselves. The Spirit does this. "Trying hard" to be fruit-bearing does not work and ends up leaving a lot of people feeling condemned. Because if I am not loving enough then it must be because I'm not trying harder and working harder at this Jesus thing. 

To understand this I recommend two things:

1. Re-read and re-meditate on John chapters 14-15-16.
2. Purchase and read Dallas Willard's Getting Love Right - only $1 for your Kindle!

Willard defines agape love as "an overall condition of the embodied, social self poised to promote the goods of human life that are within its range of influence. It is, then, a disposition or character (a second-level potentiality or potency, in Aristotelian terminology): a readiness to act in a certain way under certain conditions."

Thus understood, agape love "is not an action, nor a feeling or emotion, nor, indeed , an intention, as “intention” is ordinarily understood —though it gives rise to intentions and to actions of a certain type, and is associated with some “feelings” and resistant to others. It is this understanding of agape love as an overall disposition of the human self that , alone , does justice to the teachings of Jesus and Paul and the New Testament about love and gives us a coherent idea of love that can be aimed at in practice and implemented."

This is whole-being love, and is not something one turns on or off like a faucet. Willard rightly says the orientation of agape love is life as a whole. One becomes a loving person, rather than being a person who sometimes chooses to love and at other times doesn't. 

Willard writes:

"Paul understood the fallacy of those who say “I just can’t love so and so,” and there they stop and give up on love. He knew that they were working at the wrong level. They should not try to love that person but try to become the kind of person who would love them (emphasis mine). Only so can the ideal of love pass into a real possibility and practice. Our aim under love is not to be loving to this or that person, or in this or that kind of situation, but to be a person possessed by love as an overall character of life, whatever is or is not going on. The “occasions” are met with from that overall character. I do not come to my enemy and then try to love them, I come to them as a loving person. 

Love is not a faucet to be turned on or off at will. God himself doesn’t just love me or you, he is love. He is creative will for all that is good. That is his identity, and explains why he loves individuals, even when he is not pleased with them. We are directed by Paul to “be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave himself up for us.” ( Eph. 5: 1-2) We are called and enabled to love as God loves." (Willard, op. cit., Kindle Locations 132-145)

God's great, boundless love cannot be self-manufactured. It is a production of the Spirit's forming us into greater and greater Christlikeness.

How to Communicate in Conflict

                                                                        (Ypsilanti, MI)

(Linda and I studied with David Augsburger in seminary. Here is one of the most important things God taught us through David.)

COMMUNICATION AS SPEAKING THE TRUTH IN LOVE (CARING + CONFRONTING; from David Augsburger, Caring Enough to Confront)

Ephesians 4:15 says: “therefore speak the truth in love; so shall we fully grow up into Christ.” Here we are told, in communication, to be both loving and truthful, caring and confronting.

Work at communicating both caring and confronting in the middle of marital or relational conflict.

Here are the attitudes to have and hold to.

SEE ALSO...

Be Slow to Anger - Three Tools for Communicating When in Conflict

How to Deal with Anger - Some Resources