|The River Raisin, Monroe|
Why would someone say, "I'll call you this week and we'll get together," and not call them this week and get together? They could have simply forgotten. Perhaps make promises to flatter people because it's all about them, and not the other person.
A promise without action equals less than nothing. Unkept promises diminish relationship. "I promise" + "no follow through" = less than "No."
When your "I will" = "I will not" you make the promisee angry. Your promise creats an expectation in them. Anger is the emotion we feel when one of our expectations has not been met. When they realize that the expectation created by your "I will" actually meant "I will not," they will be angry at you.
I have done this, in ministry and with my family. I've learned the hard way that just one duplicitous act can make me come off as an inauthentic hypocrite whose words mean nothing. Just one unkept promise can create a barrier that's hard to bring down.
- Think before I say "I will" to something.
- Ask: "Is God telling me to say "Yes?" If so, then do it; if not, then use the word "No."
- When I say "Yes, I will __________," then I will do it when I said I will do it.
- Ask for forgiveness if I've made a promise and not followed through (for whatever reason; it makes no difference). I am to contact the promisee and say, "I promised you I would __________. I did not. Would you please forgive me." I've found that most people will forgive, realizing that they are as imperfect as I am.
- Examine myself as to why I cannot say "No" to certain things, and instead promise people something with my "Yes." When I do this it is about a weakness in me.
- Ask God to heal my inner woundedness that leads me to flatter and placate people with a false "Yes."
You don't make your words true by embellishing them with religious lace. In making your speech sound more religious, it becomes less true. Just say 'yes' and 'no.' When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong.
Or: All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. (Ib., NIV)
My two books are:
Praying: Reflections on 40 Years of Solitary Conversations with God
Leading the Presence-Driven Church
I am writing...
How God Changes the Human Heart
Technology and Spiritual Formation
Linda and I will then co-write our book on Relationships.