Dear Church,
Sometimes it is hard to pray.
In 1985 Linda was pregnant, expecting twins. We were
thrilled about this! I remember working together to prepare a room for them. I
subscribed to a magazine called “Twins.” I celebrated this awaited event!
Soon, two baby boys would be in our life. Until…
I remember the routine doctor visit. The stethoscope. The
doppler. The doctor. The look on his face. He told us to go to Sparrow
Hospital, immediately.
One of our little boys was dead. The other was on the edge
of life and death. An emergency C-section brought them both into the bright,
antiseptic room. I will never forget the weight of my son David, as I held him.
The other, Joshua, was being attended to.
On that day Linda and I entered the valley of the shadow of
death. And it was hard to pray. In my praying time the day before, I read these
words.
Those who sow with tears
will reap with
songs of joy.
6 Those who go out weeping,
carrying seed to sow,
will return with songs of joy,
carrying sheaves with
them.
Psalm 126:5-6
Sometimes, when I pray, my mind wanders. After the loss of
David, and the fight for Joshua’s life, “wanders” was not the word to describe
my experience. In our grieving it felt like being in a black hole that devours
whatever light there is.
Through it all, we are certain God understood our struggle.
I remember us standing, in the hospital, looking through the window and seeing
little Joshua, when one of us said, “This is hard. But imagine how hard it
would be if we did not have God.”
Prayers offered in the dark valley feel extraordinary
compared to praying in the ordinary. During such times, do not feel less than
loved and less understood by God.
In times when you are weak, and it is hard to find words,
remember that Jesus himself was a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.
Love,
PJ
P.S Our Joshua made it, and today lives a flourishing life.
REMEMBER
Express your grief to God.
Remember that Jesus was a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.
(Isaiah 53:3)
Remember that we do not have, in Jesus, a high priest who is
unable to sympathize with our weaknesses. (Hebrews 4:15)
From my book 31 Letters to the Church on Praying.
