Divorce Is the Poorer Option for Troubled Marriages

With some of Redeemer's leaders, praying

Linda and I do lots of relationship counseling. We've been doing this together for over forty years. We don't know everything, and are still learning. We are perpetual learners. After I finish a few more writing projects, our plan (the Lord willing) is to co-author our book on Relationships.

One resource that has helped me understand how to help relationships is Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling: A Guide to Brief Therapy, by Everett Worthington. Linda and I believe that every troubled marriage can be saved. We believe this for two reasons: 1) We have seen many deeply troubled marriages rescued, repaired, restored, and renewed; and 2) We believe in a God whose omni-abilities resource those who love him.

Worthington encourages us in this. He writes:

"The common cultural wisdom is that the couple who fusses, fights and feels unhappy in their marriage is better off separating and divorcing. We often hear that this choice is better for the individuals, better for the kids. Not always true." (p. xvii)

Research shows that:

Couples who experience marital conflict and unhappiness often reverse that stance over time. Years later they are happily married—if they stick out the earlier years.

Couples in conflict are usually still more beneficial parents to their children than are single parents.

Couples who stay together, even if they experience some discord, are much better off economically than are couples who divorce.

Couples who stay together, even if they experience some discord, are much better off economically than are couples who divorce.

Couples who stay together are healthier mentally and physically than those who divorce.