Marriage Counselors Don't Take Sides

                                     (Wedding reception at Redeemer)

Over the years Linda and I have told several maritally challenged husbands and wives, "We are not on your side." And added: "We are not on your spouse's side, either." We do tell the couple this: ather: "We are siding with your marriage and (if they have children) family."

Sometimes this is not good news for the marital partners. They want us to take their side in the war. But we can't take sides if we're going to save the marriage.

At this point a percentage of couples stop meeting with us. We are not their counselor any longer.

Most (not all) struggling marriages have systemic problems that both husband and wife are responsible for, even if one of them looks more like a victim than the other. "Both of you," we tell them, "are 100% responsible for your marital situation." 

For there to be success (= marital restoration, renewal, and transformation) the individual husband must look to God and then be searched out himself, taking responsibility for problems he brings to the marriage. The wife must do the same, to herself. if this happens (we've seen it!) then the chances of saving their marriage increase significantly.