31 Letters to the Church on Praying: Introduction

 

Introduction 

 I am praying for a Next Great Awakening to fall upon our churches. 

 Will you join me? 

 Dear Church, 

 On April 8, 1966, the cover of Time magazine had the words, in red, against a solid black background, “Is God Dead?” Five years later, on June 21, 1971, the cover of Time was red, with a drawing of the face of Jesus, and the words “The Jesus Revolution.” In the spring of 1970 I was saved, caught up in this movement that was moving across our nation. 

So much for the death of God, in America! I joined a campus ministry. The leaders placed a book in my hands, written by a man with an optimistic name, Bill Bright. The book was called Revolution Now. Pause with me here, for a moment. 

I was twenty-one. I was emerging from alcohol abuse and drug use. Mine was a life of poor choices and many failures. I had flunked out of college and joined the Army National Guard. My life was devoid of meaning and purpose. And then… … it all changed. I was part of a great Revolution. 

I saw many of my friends give their lives to Jesus. I became a Bible reader. And I began to pray. 

 During that season of life, my prayers tended towards bigness. They transcended my previous secular, reductive mentality. I had come to believe in a great big God, the kind who merely speaks and launches universes into existence. This God knew everything that can be known (omniscience) and was able to do anything that can be done (omnipotence). 

This was not theoretical for me. I saw God in action. I witnessed many miraculous answers to my prayers. I was discovering that, where prayer focuses, power falls. Fifty-three years later, this has not changed. 

 Today, in this strange world we live in, I am praying for the same God that raised Jesus from the dead to do great things in my church, and in churches across our land. I have hope and expectation, because I have seen this happen before. Out of a dark spiritual malaise (the cultural “death” of God), came the bright light of the Jesus Movement. You had to be in it to understand it. 

 When I pray out of my experience in that Movement, I ask God things like this. God, raise my experience to the level of your kingdom realities. Show me your glory. Enable me to see the things of earth, through the lens of heaven. Let your manifest presence fill this temple that is your Church. Move among us in mighty ways that transcend human abilities. Awaken your people. Awaken me. 

 I also find myself praying such things, in reverse. God, protect me from reducing you to the level of my finite experience. Anoint me with a holy dissatisfaction in mere human accomplishments. Transform my doubt into belief, my fears into faith, my pessimism into optimism, my cynicism into hope, my hypocrisy into authenticity, my secularism into supernaturalism, my low self-worth into confidence, my doubt into assurance, my tentativeness into boldness, my sin into holiness, and my laziness into discipline. 

 God, give us another Great Awakening, another Welsh Revival, another Azusa Street, another Jesus Movement! 

 I am praying for God to do something great, in our churches, across our country. How will this happen? The answer is: by prayer. In history, moves of God are always preceded, and undergirded, by praying people. 

 As I dream big, I remember to think small. Most, if not all, revivals in history began with a handful of people who were praying. They rarely, if ever, happened in mega situations. 

Acts chapter two gives us the prototype. They all joined together constantly in prayer, along with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with his brothers. How many were “they all?” If all the believers at the time were in the Upper Room, that would be a hundred and twenty. (Acts 1:15) This is not a megachurch. It is a gathering of praying people, situated in a small outpost on the edge of the Roman empire, who believe in our mega-God. 

That’s what this devotional book is about. 

That’s where you come in. 

I am calling you to a prayer movement. 

There’s no need to wait for others to join. 

Remember the quote from William Booth, founder of the Salvation Army? He said, “I’m not waiting for a move of God; I AM a move of God.” 

Consider this 31-day devotional a refueling station. You, a Move of God, are stopping to gas up. So you can stay ignited. So you would be encouraged, and on fire, in your praying life. 

I present to you thirty-one entries on thirty-one aspects of a praying life. This comes out of my fifty-three years of praying experience. So much more could be said. You and me – we form a great, praying Move of God. That will not be contained. 

John Piippo 

(From my book 31 Letters to the Church on Praying)

Free to Not Be Who I Am

 

                                               (On The Badger, crossing Lake Michigan)

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.
 But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which 
God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. 
All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. 
And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you.

Philippians 3:13-15

When I was a campus pastor at Michigan State University in the 1980s I had many meetings with new students. I would begin the conversation by asking them, "Tell me, who are you?" 

When I was a college freshman I could not answer this question. I think back and remember how others viewed me. I was...

...drug user
...alcohol abuser
...failure
...party animal
...stupid

I didn't let others see my insides. Even if I wanted to reveal my heart I was unable because I never addressed the self-question, never asked "Who am I..., really?"

Looking back I see myself as...

...insecure
...lonely
...lacking confidence
...unaware
...easily manipulated
...phony
...duplicitous
...lost

Outwardly, especially when I was drunk, I celebrated who I was. Inwardly, the party was over. I was mired in the Eriksonian "identity crisis," a prisoner caught between ego identity and role confusion. 

Looking back, should I have celebrated this? No way! Should I have "accepted who I was?" No, thank God.

Don't celebrate who you are. Instead, look at what you were meant to be. You need more change (as do I). 

If you are a Jesus-follower celebrate Christ, not the "you" that you are now. You have been purposed to be like Christ. He is the paradigm of true humanity.

God wants to set you free from this world's current identity confusion. What you can be and be transformed into is what matters, not the current "you" that others or you think you are. This is no small matter. Your answer to this will influence everything you do in life. And contrary to how our identity-celebrating culture embraces this, it is not easy. 

In the winter of 1970 I was on a stage in the Chicago area playing my guitar in a band in front of a small crowd. That's when my release from who I was began. The thought came to me, "I am screwed up." When I heard it I didn't feel condemned. I felt truth. That's when the voices of friends who said they liked "me" and thought I was "fun" began to lose their influence.

Every rescue begins with repentance. A few days after this I looked away from my self and began to look at Jesus. I was being set free, not to be who I was, but what I was always meant to be.

Let Not Your Hearts Be Agitated

 

                                                                          (In Kenya)

Thomas Merton wrote: "We have a vocation not to be disturbed by the turmoil and wreckage of the great fabric of illusions." (A Book of Hours, 56)

We have a vocation... 

A calling. We have a calling.

From God. God calls us.

... not to be disturbed...

To not be agitated.

This is about the heart. 

Washing machines have "agitators." They move back and forth, back and forth, with force. They are going nowhere. They make no forward progress.

Disturbances halt forward progress. Disturbances interrupt the calling.

Jesus said, "Let not your hearts be agitated." 

ταράσσω,v  \{tar-as'-so}
1) to agitate, trouble (a thing, by the movement of its parts to and fro)  1a) to cause one inward commotion, take away his calmness of  mind, disturb his equanimity  1b) to disquiet, make restless  1c) to stir up  1d) to trouble  1d1) to strike one's spirit with fear and dread  1e) to render anxious or distressed  1f) to perplex the mind of one by suggesting scruples or doubts 

...by the turmoil...

Let not your hearts be agitated by the agitation. By the upheaval. By the irruptions. By the roiling waters.

Let not your hearts be arrested by the peace-thieves.

...by the wreckage...

Do not be captivated by the incessant effluence of cultural carnage. 

Put a compress on the bleeding media.

...the great fabric of illusions.

The systematic sham that is "the world."

With all its pretension and arrogance.

Do not let this world interpret you.

We have a calling from God to remain in Christ where agitation and turmoil are not to be found and the great fabric of systemic spell-casting is broken.

How I Abide in Christ

(April 17, 2020 - my front yard - SNOW!)

Jesus told his disciples that, if they abide in him, their lives will bear much fruit. "Abide" can be translated "to dwell."

Imagine Linda and I knock on your door. "We've come for a visit," I say. Presumably, you will let us in and put on the coffee. 

But if we knock on the door, and I say, "We've come to dwell with you," you are wondering if we are homeless.

To visit is a microwave, to abide is a slow cooker.

To abide in Jesus is to connect. Like a branch is attached to a vine. Jesus is the vine; I am the branch.

As I am a branch, the resources of the vine flow into me. I begin to produce the life of the vine. I produce VineLife.

To produce VineLife I must choose to do something. I cannot just sleep in my recliner while half-watching Netflix and expect to do what Jesus did. I must connect!

Here are ways I connect. And remember, when you connect to Jesus the Vine, your life will be fruit-bearing. It just will. You cannot be connected to Jesus and not be fruit-bearing. 

1. I meditate on Scripture. I read Scripture. When I read something that speaks to me, I assume this God, trying to tell me something. This makes me a slow reader! If you could see me reading Scripture you would see moments where I've got my eyes closed, my hand on my chin, and my body is still. 
When God speaks to me through a passage or verse in the Bible, I stop reading, and start meditating. I may write the verse in my journal. I often write it on a 3X5 card, place it in my pocket, and carry it with me.
For example, weeks ago, while reading through part of Proverbs, I came to this.

2. I keep a record of what God is saying to me. This is a spiritual journal. I often take time to re-read what God has been saying to me. I have gone through a lot of journals in the past fifty years! I recently bought a new one, which I like. Here it is.

3. I practice spiritual disciplines. The apostle Paul spoke of exercising in the spiritual gymnasium (going into "strict training"). Paul told me that, if I want to compete in the game of life, I must "exercise unto godliness." 
In 1981 a friend of ours, Dr. John Powell, gave me a copy of Richard Foster's Celebration of Discipline. John has been one of the most influential persons in my life (Linda's, too!). As I began to read this book, God was speaking to me. I read many books. But only a few have transformed my heart. This was one. My abiding life in Christ took a quantum leap forward! The connection-disciplines in this book became my spiritual DNA.   
The spiritual disciplines themselves don't produce the fruit. They provide the attachment. The Holy Spirit produces the fruit.

4. I pray. I have a praying life. I have done this for so many years Foster's book helped me here, too. He also wrote a beautiful book on prayer. (Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home) 
In praying I speak to, and I listen to God. I have conversations with God. The discipline of choosing to pray has moved from my head ("I need to pray!") to my heart ("I pray to live!").
An excellent book on listening to God is Hearing God Through the Year: A 365-Day Devotional, by Dallas Willard.

In this season of my life I continue to read, slowly, Proverbs. And Psalms. I am also reading Ezekiel, slowly, from the Old Testament. And I am re-reading, slowly, the four Gospels - Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

One more suggestion. My book on prayer can be read devotionally. Praying: Reflections on 40 Years of Solitary Conversations with God.

I hope this helps - blessings!

How to Keep a Spiritual Journal

(C. S. Lewis, "The Trouble with X." Also in Lewis, God In the Dock.)

I've been keeping a spiritual journal for fifty-two years. I have read and responded to over 3000 spiritual journals that pastors and Christian leaders have sent me, as part of seminary classes, retreats, and conferences I have taught. Here are my thoughts on keeping a spiritual journal.

A spiritual journal is a record of the voice and activity of God, to you. When God speaks to you, write it down. To do that is to keep a spiritual journal.

People write differently. Some include lots of detail, such as the place where they are praying, prayer concerns, and biblical exegesis. But the core of the journal is: God's words, spoken to you. When I read the journals of others, that's what I am looking for. What is God saying to you? What is God doing with you?

When your mind wanders, I suggest writing where it wanders to. The mind does not wander arbitrarily, but always to something like a burden. The wandering mind is a barometer of your spiritual condition. Then, following 1 Peter 5:7, "cast your burdens on God, for he cares for you." I find it helpful to get the burdens on paper. To see them on paper makes it feel like they are not inside me any longer. Now, it's at a distance from me. De-burdening is an important part of entering into God's presence more fully. We have a greater focus on God because we are not so distracted by our burdens.

If keeping a spiritual journal is writing down what God says to me, how can I know it's really the voice of God? I have found that one better hears God's voice when they:

1) Saturate themselves with Scripture.
2) Spend MUCH time alone in God's presence.
3) Hang around people who do 1 and 2. 

There are some good books about this, such as Dallas Willard's Hearing God: Developing a Conversational Relationship With God.

Because the spiritual journal is a record of God's voice to you, it is fruitful to occasionally re-read and re-meditate on your journal. A number of the things God tells you will become thematic in your life. It is important to remember them. "Remembering" is huge in a person's spiritual life. When we have a written record of God's words for us, it can be easier to recall them as we re-ponder them anew. The maxim here is: "I will not forget God's words to me."

A spiritual journal, because it is a record of God's voice to you, is about you. Not others. Yes, I sometimes write about others in my journal. For example, I pray for others. Or, If I'm upset with someone, I use letters such as 'X' to refer to those persons. I don't want my journal to be found or read by someone with whom I'm angry with. When I write down such things before God I'm primarily asking God to help, not 'X,' but me, and with anger inside me.

What can you expect God to say to you? My experience tells me that God will say things like: his love for you, things he wants to heal inside you, things you need to repent of in your life, that he forgives you, things about his essence (the glory of who he is), giving you deeper insights on Scripture, giving direction, and so on. And, God impart things to you. When this happens to me I write down things like grace, mercy, peace, joy, love, hope, and power.

I don't believe journaling is for everybody. But remembering is. So is entering deeply into God's presence and hearing his voice.

***
On prayer and hearing God, see my book Praying: Reflections on 40 Years of Solitary Conversations with God.

Dr. John Piippo - How God Changes the Human Heart

I'm re-posting this for my Payne Theological Seminary students.

Teaching for Payne Theological Seminary for the Next 10 Weeks

Beginning tomorrow (7/28), and for ten consecutive Monday evenings on Zoom, I will again teach my Spiritual Formation class to Payne Theological Seminary (A.M.E.) M.Div. students this week. Here are some photos of Payne and my former students.

God Is Wrathful Because God Is Love

 

                                                                   (Monroe County)

Yale theologian Miroslav Volf personally witnessed the horrors of the Bosnian war. Out of this context he wrote,

I used to think that wrath was unworthy of God. Isn’t God love? Shouldn’t divine love be beyond wrath? God is love, and God loves every person and every creature. That’s exactly why God is wrathful against some of them. My last resistance to the idea of God’s wrath was a casualty of the war in former Yugoslavia, the region from which I come. According to some estimates, 200,000 people were killed and over 3,000,000 were displaced. My villages and cities were destroyed, mypeople shelled day in and day out, some of them brutalized beyond imagination, and I could not imagine God not being angry. Or think of Rwanda in the last decade of the past century, where 800,000 people were hacked to death in one hundred days!

​How did God react to the carnage? By doting on the perpetrators in a grandparently fashion? By refusing to condemn the bloodbath but instead affirming the perpetrators basic goodness? Wasn’t God fiercely angry with them? Though I used to complain about the indecency of the idea of God’s wrath, I came to think that I would have to rebel against a God who wasn’t wrathful at the sight of the world’s evil. God isn’t wrathful in spite of being love. God is wrathful because God is love.

 Volf, Free of Charge: Giving and Forgiving in a Culture Stripped of Grace, (Zondervan 2005) pp. 138-139

As I read this, I thought of H. Richard Niebuhr's famous quote, as he critiqued a soft and shallow theological liberalism.

"A God without wrath

brought men without sin

into a kingdom without judgment

through the ministrations of

a Christ without a cross."

(For more on the love and wrath of God, see Kevin Kinghorn and Stephen Travis, But What About God's Wrath? The Compelling Love Story of Divine Anger.)

Now Reading...

 

                                                   (Sterling State Park - Monroe, MI)

Three books I am now reading are...

John Lennox. 2084 and the AI Revolution: How Artificial Intelligence Informs Our Future.

Nicholas Carr. Superbloom: How Technologies of Connection Tear Us Apart. 

Matthew Elliott. Faithful Feelings: Rethinking Emotion in the New Testament. 

Just as I Am? (On Cheap Grace)

 

                                                          (Maumee Bay State Park, Ohio)

Does God affirm me, just as I am? Here's what I wrote in my book Deconstructing Progressive Christianity.

"In 1970 (yikes!) I became a follower of Jesus. I was twenty-one. (You do the math.) One of the first books recommended to me was Dietrich Bonhoeffer's monumental The Cost of Discipleship. I didn't grasp it all at the time. I did understand Bonhoeffer's distinction between "costly grace" and "cheap grace." It reminded me of the apostle Paul, when he wrote, What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? (Romans 6:1-2)  

Eric Metaxas, in his biography of Bonhoeffer, argues that the Lutheran Church's drift into cheap grace was a factor in allowing Hitler to come to power. (See Metaxas, Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy) Metaxas says that cheap grace means "going to church and hearing that God just loves and forgives everyone, so it doesn’t really matter much how you live." Anyone who believes that, and self-refers as a follower of Jesus, has drifted into heresy. Yes, orthopraxy is important.  

Tim Keller writes that, today, we live in an age of cheap grace.  "Many Christians want to talk only about God’s love and acceptance. They don’t like talking about Jesus’ death on the cross to satisfy divine wrath and justice. Some even call it “divine child abuse.” Yet if they are not careful, they run the risk of falling into the belief in “cheap grace”—a non-costly love from a non-holy God who just loves and accepts us as we are. That will never change anyone’s life."". 

An Anti-abortion Statement In the Book of Jeremiah

 

                                                      (Oval Beach, Douglas, Michigan)

In Jeremiah chapter one, verse four, we see the call of Jeremiah to be a prophet.

4 The word of the Lord came to me, saying,

5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
    before you were born I set you apart;
    I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

Nested in these verses is a powerful anti-abortion statement. God knew Jeremiah before Jeremiah knew God. Jeremiah was non-existent when God knew him and set him apart.

Biblically, the same can be said of you, and of me. David sings of this divine foreknowledge in Ps. 139.

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

All the days set apart for you were known by God before one of them came to be.

God, as an all-knowing being, knows everything that can be known. God's omniscience includes knowledge of future contingent events. Such as the coming-into-being of you. As well as God's calling of you, and setting-apart-for-His-purposes of you.

This leaves abortion as an anti-God act that comes against God's prior knowledge of, plans for, and calling upon a divine image-bearing life that God is knitting together.

If You Don't Control Your Mouth Your Religion Is Worthless

 

                                      

                          (Linda, on the beach)

                          

Sometimes, when I preach or teach, I write these words on the top of my notes.

WATCH YOUR MOUTH!

I have imperfectly taken these verses to mind and heart. 

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Those who guard their lips preserve their lives,
    but those who speak rashly will come to ruin. Proverbs 13:3

 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.  Ephesians 4:2-3

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.  Ephesians 4:15

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23

The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
    but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

"The things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them." Matthew 15:18

"I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak." Matthew 12:36

But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Colossians 3:8

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. James 3:9-12

He mocks proud mockers but shows favor to the humble and oppressed. Proverbs 3:34

BEWARE OF STREAM-OF-CONSCIOUSNESS THOUGHTS.

Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him. Proverbs 19:20

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless. James 1:26

I suggest: print these Scriptures out. Carry them with you for a season. Meditate on them.

Ask God to grow them in your heart.

If one verse stands out to you, assume this is the Holy Spirit speaking to you. Carry this verse with you, repeating it often. 

Ask the Holy Spirit to teach you how to speak the truth, in love.

If your mouth has done harm rather than good, repent, before the Lord. Confess, to the ones you have hurt.

Do not embrace the false, demonic belief that you won't be able to express truth unless you hate.

DECLARATIONS from these VERSES

• When pressure is applied to my heart, the best of Jesus comes out.
• The only words that come out of my mouth are words that build people up, not tear people down.
• I have placed a guard over my mouth, so I don't speak rashly and ruin relationships.
• I am patient with others, because the Lord is patient with me.
• I bear with others, because the Lord puts up with me.
• My consuming goal is unity of the Spirit.
• I speak truth in love. I care for others as I speak truth.
• I prayerfully, while seeking God, guard my heart. There are thoughts I do not allow my heart to entertain.
• No unwholesome talk comes out of my mouth. 
• People come to me, because my words build them up.
• I speak no careless, thoughtless words.
• I am over hating people.
• I never slander people.
• No obscene, unholy talk comes out of my mouth.
• I cannot curse other people, because even if they don't know Jesus, they are made in the image of God.
• I pray and ponder things before I open my mouth.
• I have put a bridle on my mouth, and allow the Spirit to guide my words.

Attack ideas, not people. This is one example of truth-speaking, in love.

Everyone Has a Grand Narrative

After explaining my faith in Jesus as the Way, Truth, and Life, the young "progressive Christian" said, "Well, that's your narrative. My narrative is different." When they responded to me this way I smelled the spirit of postmodernism.

As a philosopher, I am uninterested in your narrative. I am interested in you, in understanding you. But the philosophical view is one that concerns Grand Narratives, or metanarratives, and whether or not one of them is true. And, the conviction that everyone has a Grand Narrative.

Postmodern theorists such as Jean Francois Lyotard reject the idea of Master Narratives, or Grand Narratives (metanarratives). Here's an explicative quote from Lyotard's The Postmodern Condition: A Report on Knowledge:

Modernity is "any science that legitimates itself with reference to a metadiscourse of this kind [i.e., philosophy] making an explicit appeal to some grand narrative, such as the dialectics of Spirit, the hermeneutics of meaning, the emancipation of the rational or working subject, or the creation of wealth." 

Postmodernism, in turn, is ". . .incredulity toward metanarratives."

Philosopher Charles Taylor says, on the other hand, that "people always tend to understand themselves in terms of some big-scale narrative. The only remedy for a bad Master Narrative is a better Master Narrative." (And not, as postmodern philosophers think, scrapping them, as if one could.)

Everyone has a Grand Narrative, which is mostly pre-thematic (i.e., unreflected on). In this, everyone makes a truth claim.

***

See, e.g., Jurgen Habermas's devastating critique of postmodernism. (Explained here - scroll down to #9.) 

***

In their incredulity towards metanarratives, the postmodern thinker employs the metanarrative they dismiss in the critique of metanarratives. This results in self-contradiction. The Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy explains it this way:

"Habermas also criticizes Derrida for leveling the distinction between philosophy and literature in a textualism that brings logic and argumentative reason into the domain of rhetoric. In this way, he says, Derrida hopes to avoid the logical problem of self-reference in his critique of reason. However, as Habermas remarks: “Whoever transposes the radical critique of reason into the domain of rhetoric in order to blunt the paradox of self-referentiality, also dulls the sword of the critique of reason itself” (Habermas 1987 [1985], 210). 

In similar fashion, he criticizes Foucault for not subjecting his own genealogical method to genealogical unmasking, which would reveal Foucault's re-installation of a modern subject able to critically gaze at its own history. Thus, he says, “Foucault cannot adequately deal with the persistent problems that come up in connection with an interpretive approach to the object domain, a self-referential denial of universal validity claims, and a normative justification of critique” (Habermas 1987 [1985], 286)."

***

See also James K. A. Smith, Who's Afraid of Postmodernism? Taking Derrida, Lyotard, and Foucault to Church.

Change Yourself, Change Your Marriage

 

                              (The sycamore tree in our backyard that was uprooted by 90 mph winds)

Linda and I, over our fifty-one years of marriage, have met with many premarital; and marital couples. A percentage of these meetings concern couples who are talking about ending the marriage.

One resource we draw on is Gary Chapman's book One More Try: What to Do When Your Marriage Is Falling Apart. 

Here's some wisdom from the book, which Linda and I share (as do many marital counselors).

"It has been said that unhappy marriages consist of unhappy people. You may not be able to change your spouse, but you can change yourself.

Marriages fail for three primary reasons: 

lack of an intimate relationship with God, 

lack of an intimate relationship with your mate, 

or lack of an intimate understanding and acceptance of yourself. 

One might think we would begin with our relationship to God, but the fact is, one’s relationship with God is greatly affected by one’s self-understanding. This time should be used as an opportunity to rediscover your own assets and liabilities as a person and to take positive steps in personal growth. Even if you are not separated but are struggling with a marriage in crisis, it is possible—indeed, necessary—to look deeply at yourself and begin to make some changes." (P. 41)

Joy Is Deeper than Laughter

 

                                                      (In New York City)

If someone laughs, does that mean they are filled with the joy of the Lord? 

Not necessarily.

Laughter is not equivalent to the joy of the Lord.

A person may laugh when someone they despise fails. Or when someone does something stupid and hurts themselves. A person may laugh at a sexual joke. Surely such laughter, in cases like these, is not the joy of the Lord.

Finding something funny, at the expense of someone else, is not the joy of the Lord. 

The joy of the Lord can sometimes produce laughter. The joy of the Lord can also sometimes produce tears. I have experienced both. I have also experienced the joy of the Lord inwardly, with little outward expression. It's felt like an inner glow, a holy warmth, an existential sweeping gladness.

While the joy of the Lord can manifest in laughter or tears or inwardly, heaven-sent joy transcends all of these. Anyone who has read C. S. Lewis's autobiography Surprised by Joy understands this. For Lewis, the experience of the joy of the Lord had this beyond-earth quality. So much so, that Lewis had to invent a word in his attempt to describe it: Sehnsucht. 

Sehnsucht, wrote Lewis, is “an unsatisfied desire which is itself more desirable than any other satisfaction. I call it Joy, which is here a technical term and must be sharply distinguished both from Happiness and from Pleasure. Joy (in my sense) has indeed one characteristic, and one only, in common with them; the fact that anyone who has experienced it will want it again.”

The very feeling of transcendent desire is itself a form of Joy. The longing for the satisfaction is itself a kind of satisfaction.

One excellent book on Lewis and Sehnsucht is Joe Puckett's The Apologetics of Joy. Here's a snippet.

"In his own autobiographical sketch of his journey toward Joy, Lewis explains that, “authentic Joy . . . is distinct not only from pleasure in general but even from aesthetic pleasure. It must have the stab, the pang, the inconsolable longing.”13 In this way, the Joy Lewis spoke of is not always expressed as a feeling of pleasure. “It might almost equally well be called a particular kind of unhappiness or grief.”14 But strangely it is a kind of grief that we want. It is a pain like we feel when we are separated from someone we have loved more than anything or anyone else. For Lewis, we “ache” in desire because we have a sense that there exists a love greater than anything in this world. It is a kind of unhappiness felt like one feels because of homesickness. The difference is that this feeling of homesickness is for a home we have never been to or seen before."

In John 15:11 Jesus says to his disciples, I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

His joy is deep, right?

The Coddling of the American Mind Redux

 

One of the best books I've read in the past decade is The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Ideas and Bad Intentions Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure, by Greg Lukionoff and Jonathan Haidt,

I find myself referring to it often, as a lens through which to interpret things like microaggressions and victimhood culture. 

Their book is a more thorough follow-up to their famous Atlantic essay, "The Coddling of the American Mind." This article provoked much discussion. So does the book.

Read the article to get the idea. 

If you find Haidt valuable, see also The Rise of Victimhood Culture: Microaggressions, Safe Spaces, and the New Culture Wars, by Bradley Campbell and Jason Manning.

See also Haidt's recent book The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness.