Linda and I have many people asking us for relationship or marital counsel. If they are part of our church family, we work with them. We don 't counsel people who don't come to Redeemer since, for us, coming to Redeemer is part of our counseling package. We want to get to know the couple, and have them begin to know us.
When we begin to meet with a couple we first work on understanding them. Only after we feel understanding has been achieved do we point them in a direction. Because they have asked us, we tell them what to do. Of course, since we are their counselors.
At this point it gets interesting, since sometimes one or both don't want to do what we are asking them to do. If that happens, then obviously we are no longer their counselors. The individual or couple wanted us to affirm what they want to do, rather than follow what we think they ought to do. At this point we part ways, wondering why they wanted us to counsel them in the first place.