Tuesday, December 15, 2015

To Love Deeply Is to Suffer Deeply

Linda and I in Green Lake, Wisconsin.

The one who loves much suffers much.

To surrender to love is to risk. It is to be vulnerable. It is to be open. Eventually, there will be loss.

For example, our family loved our dog So-fee. When she became so sick that we had to put her down it was painful. It made me think that I never want a dog again, because I never want to go through this again.

Suffering can cause one to stop loving, since loving entails suffering, a suffering-with the beloved. When we open ourselves to transparency and vulnerability we invite the real possibility of suffering.

Will Hernandez writes that “it is equally accurate to say that only one who has known the experience of deep suffering can freely love and give love with true abandon. If suffering happens to be the consequence of true love, then that same love also becomes the fruit of real suffering.” (Hernandez, Henri Nouwen and Spiritual Polarities: A Life of Tension, K231)

Henri Nouwen has written: “Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear”(IVL:60; cited in Hernandez, K240).


To immerse yourself in the sufferings of others is to grow in your capacity to love others, one’s own self, and God. “Love and suffering are bound to change anyone radically.” (Hernandez, K240)